My Feeling of Urgency

I went back to work today. Since Jamin was born on March 26th I've been enjoying the time at home. But going back to work was inevitable but very much undesireable. All I wanted all day was to see Leslie and Jamin. I wanted to be home so I could be with them. But work is a must and I realize if I'm going to be a good father I must provide and if I'm going to provide I must work.

The problem is that I'm only living out my passion part-time. See, I'm a part-time youth minister with full-time desires. I want so much to be able to be the husband and father who is satisfied with his career. Right now, I'm not. For instance, this week, I'll be working nearly 50 hours at Chick-fil-A then putting in at least my 20 for the church. That leaves me with just a few hours in the mornings and evenings each night to see my brand new son and my beautiful wife.

It doesn't leave me much time to enjoy yard work, working out, hanging out with friends, or finishing that all important degree.

So here I'm left with a choice. Not a choice to move or act, but a choice of my attitude. I could choose to be bitter. I could choose an attitude of resentment on my life because it isn't what I want it to me. I could choose to regret for missed opportunities. If I choose any of these attitudes what does that say about my perception of who God is? If I choose to be bitter, resentful, or regretful because I'm not where I hoped I would be in life then I'm percieve God as being one who does not have plans for my future and plans to prosper me. After all, those who are bitter, resentful and regretful are settling to stay in the place they are at and settling to live in that disatisfaction, I am not.

What I am choosing to be is satisfied. Not in my current job situation or time circumstances. I'm satisfied with God. God is enough. He is my eternal portion and regardless of what my life is versus what I wish my life was I know it all boils down to one thing. My God is enough, in Him I have hope, through Him I have a future, by Him I will prosper.

I may never be rich. I may never be a full-time youth minister. I may never make more money than I do right now. Regardless of this, God is enough. I need nothing else but Him. What I need, He will supply. What I don't need, I may never have.

Father,

You are enough. You are all I need. By your guidance I will be the man you designed me to be. Lord, you can see every desire I have. Desires to be full-time in youth minstry, to make enough money so Leslie doens't have to work, to be able to finish my degree, to save for Jamin's future. And Lord, I know there are events coming towards me to where I could inturrupt your timing. I have a history of jumping ahead of you. Please help me to resist this. In your timing all things will come to pass in perfect order. Father, I am satisfied knowing that you are in control. I don't want control. I don't want it because it's not mine to have. You know what's best. I trust this about you. Lead me to the place you can best use me and settle my heart there. If my desires are mine alone and not those you wish to give me then please change them so I may desire what you want. I just want to be used by you to point the world to the radiance of your glory. I just want to be your man.