Relationships Move Ministry

It's funny how things seem to come to me just at the right time.
Every week my pastor asks that I fill out a ministry report which tells him all the people I have contacted throughout the week and for what reasons. Usually I do ok with this. I make contact with plenty of members and prospects. I send cards, write letters and type emails and even go visit people every week. But lately, the past couple weeks really, I haven't had very many names on my report. Now, to give myself the benefit of the doubt the past two weeks have been short weeks with me taking days off and this past Monday was Labor Day. But still, I see that I need to be doing a better job at this.
I billed myself off as a relationships guy when this church was interviewing me. In the past that is what I've been. I've been all about getting connected with young people and making my influence appreciated in thier lives by being transparent, honest and consistent. Now that I'm full-time I'm finding that my normal approach is being hindered with all the planning, structuring, organizing and communicating I'm having to do with parents, teachers and workers. I know all this is good but I'm finding that I'm struggling to find an appropriate balance between the management and relationship aspects of my ministry.
I know that ultimately my programs aren't going to lead people to Christ. I know that my organizational charts aren't going to share the gospel and my ministry structure isn't going to change people's lives for Christ. It's going to be me. God has gifted me with the ability to share life with people. I'm an ordinary guy who is smart enough to hold conversations with most educated people but yet down to earth enough to connect with your every day guy. I'm somewhere in the middle of each class of people. I'm not rich, I'm not poor, I'm not a genius, I'm not an idiot, I'm not a workaholic, I'm not lazy, I'm not incredibly good looking, I'm not unfortunately ugly. I'm just an average guy but I think most people are just average people.
I know that if I'm going to be a tool in God's use to grow Grace Baptist Church I'm going to have to be exactly what God has created me to be and carry out the function of my design. The problem is all the pressure I feel. I think that's why I've lost some of myself and can't seem to find what I've lost. Over the past few weeks I've felt enormous pressure. Pressure to be liked, to be impressive, to bring results, to attract numbers and to perform in ministry. I hate this. I hate it that I can't just focus on the things I know will grow my kids. I know being organized is good and being a better planner is something I need to work on but trying to improve on the things I stink at has caused me to focus so little on the things I'm good at that I now seem to stink at those things too.

Father,
Help me to be what you desire for me to be. Help me to forget about all the pressure I feel from everyone except you. Lord, help me to please you and to not worry about pleasing anyone else. I trust that you will help me. I know you have brought me so far and you aren't going to leave me now. It's hard because I want to do so good. I want to be your man and I want to make you proud. I want to forget about everyone else's expectations and trust you with the results. You've given me everything I've ever asked for in ministry. It's not what I was expecting but it's what I was asking for. It's hard but I know it's good. I don't like it sometimes but I know I need it. Help me to persevere and grow. I love you and just want to make you proud.

Checking Back In.

A lot has changed in the past few weeks since I last posted anything. I've settled into my new job as a full-time student pastor. Our finances are getting back to normal and I'm loving all the time I have to spend at home after work. The kids at church are warming up to me pretty good. It's slow but it's happening. The Bellevue folksa are still around from time to time and they still treat us like we are one of them which is nice.

Jamin is growning and is really making Leslie and me very happy. He's so great.

I don't really have much to say right now even though I fee like I should. I'm not in a very inspired mood right now.

Check back later and maybe there will be something of value and depth.