Tonight marks the second stale message in a row that I've given at Grace. The problem with that, other than the obvious, is that I've only had two opportunities to speak a message a Grace. Sunday Night was very frustrating. Everyone has said I did a good job but those who know me best and have heard me when I was truly being led by God's spirit while I'm speaking know that I'm not comfortable yet. I sucks because these are the days of my first impressions. The first impression of myself is that I'm uptight, at a loss for meaningful words and at arms length. This is not what I want. I want to know that I'm saying things that are relevent and a way that is going to stick with the students. I don't feel like that right now.
I've done a lot of uncharacteric things lately also. I think I've placed too heavy of an expectation on myself to come in and change everything from the previous guy. I know we're in chapter two right now but I'm starting to think that maybe some of the things from Chapter one may be ok if they carry over. For instance, I changed the name of the Youth Worship Room from the Vault to The Student Worship Center. I loved it. It sounds intellegent, respectful and universal. The students however, didn't take to it. They didn't like it at all. It's not like me to come in and change things without running my ideas by the youth first. From now on that will be my practice.
I'm just really frustrated. I left a group that totally loved and respected me. We had inside jokes and knew each other intimately. We could sit around and talk nothing then turn the conversation into one of significance in an instance. We could share our hearts and speak openly of our love for each other. We could cry on each other's shoulders and laugh at each others silly quirks. We knew what to expect from each other and looked forward to seeing each other on Wednesday, Sundays, Tuesday night G.R.O.W., Friday night Open Door Policies and sometimes on Saturdays just to hang out. It came naturally. I didn't force it, I didn't have to try to crack into thier hearts, I just landed there one day. They took me in and allowed me to speak into thier lives with authority and trust. They needed me and I needed them but most of all we needed God and found Him while in the company of each other. This is so hard to not be with them.
To my new group, I love you. This is more than a job to me. You are all a passion and calling in my life. I will do anything for you. I know it's going to take time and you have to learn to adjust to me and me to you. I feel like I've been pushing a little, not much but more than I usually do. It's only because I want to have with you what I've had with my last group. I want to connect with you on a level that tells you that I'm here for you no matter what and that I will always listen, love and accept you for who you are. I don't know when that will happen but I'm committed to you so I know it will. I also want you to know that this isn't my youth group and it's not your youth group. This is OUR youth group. We get to do all this together. You will teach me and I will teach you. We'll grow together, laugh together and cry together. We will face disaster and times of joy knowing that we are there for each other. Most of all, we will find God on deeper levels than we could have imagined together.
I hope this has all made some sense. Basically, I'm not where I want to be with my new group, and it frustrates me to no end because I know how good it is when we all connect deeply. I can't wait for that to happen.
Immanuel - God with us
4 years ago
